


The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.

by lydiamxrtin



Series: Malex week 2020 [3]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, high school malex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25276006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydiamxrtin/pseuds/lydiamxrtin
Summary: Day 3 - Prompt "I can explain"Alex and Michael reunite a year after Alex leaves for the military and Alex wants to explain why he ran
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Malex week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1828822
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Anddddd day 3! I really struggled with this one but I actually really liked how it turned out so I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> -AJ

Alex stepped outside the front door, taking in the fresh air. Today had been his first day back at home in 15 months. He'd spent the last few hours with his father and brother, talking about deployment and their time oversea. Alex heard the door open and Greg stepped next to him, "Why don't you go see some friends for the night, I'll hold the fort here," Greg said.

Alex smiled up at his brother, "Thanks, I'll see you later," Alex called as he headed towards his car, stepping in. In reality, Alex had no intentions of seeing anyone, he just wanted to get out of the house for a few precious hours alone. Alex drove into town not sure where he was going, eventually, Alex pulled up next to the Crashdown. Alex got out of the car, walking into the diner. Alex slipped into a booth, running his hand down his face. He heard the bell behind him ringing as people walked in and out. Alex could feel the tiredness starting to take over his body, Alex reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, the tension coursing through his body. Alex looked up and felt the tension in his body increase, paralysing him.

Michael.

Across the diner stood Michael. He looked exactly the same as he did 15months again; same curls that hung in front of his face, the same golden eyes, but they seemed darker now, full of burden. Alex's lungs stopped working, shutting down entirely. Michael locked eyes with Alex, his face giving nothing away. Michael took a few steps forward towards Alex's booth, each step causing the cord around his lungs to tighten. Michael was almost at Alex's table, and Alex could have sworn he saw the smallest smile on his face. Alex pushed himself up from the table, his eyes still clasped on Michael's. Alex spun around almost smashing into someone walking in before crashing out of the door. Alex headed straight to his car pulling the door open and jumping in. Alex reached up and gripped the wheel tight, his hands shaking on the wheel. Alex finally breathed again, his breath coming out in quick succession making Alex feel lightheaded. Alex squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to calm himself. It was Michael, _his_ Michael- Alex squeezed harder, he wasn't _his_ anymore, Alex wasn't even sure he ever was. Alex reached down and turned the key on, promptly pulling away from the curb and down the road. Alex started heading towards his house unsure where else to go; Liz was gone, Alex hadn't heard from Maria since he'd fled Roswell. Alex was almost at his house when he pulled over to the side of the road. Alex cursed under his breath; what had he done? When Alex was overseas all he thought about was seeing Michael, being with him again. Alex had played their reunion over and over in his mind, working out what he would say, in all the scenario, he'd never run away. Alex let his head fall against the wheel, after a moment Alex flew the car into reverse, turning around in the road. Alex reached the junkyard, his car coming to a harsh stop. Alex opened the car door and stepped out. He walked forward toward the airsteamer, his hands fidgeting in front of him. Alex started up the steps to the streamer when he stopped; what was he going to say? what could he say? He reached out to knock but his hand froze, shaking slightly. Alex shook his head _he couldn't do this, what was he thinking?_ Alex backed away from the door, turning around to head to his car when he saw someone stood by his car.

"Alex?" Michael asked, sounding breathless.

Alex swallowed, the sound of Michael's voice almost breaking him, it being the best thing he'd heard in 15 months. "Michael," Alex breathed.

"What are you doing here?" Michael asked. Alex opened his mouth but found no words. Michael shook his head, giving a joyless laugh. "Clearly not to see me, you made that pretty clear at the diner so Sanders is that way," Michael pointed to the junkyard, almost pushing past Alex to get to his door.

"Michael-" Alex called turning around to follow Michael, Alex reached out and grabbed Michaels arm, spinning him around to face him, "I can explain," He said, still not sure how he'd explain his feelings when even Alex didn't understand them.

Michael pulled his arm away, stepping back a few steps. "You don't need to, it's pretty clear-"

Alex walked forward, "I'm sorry Michael," He pleaded, shaking his own head, "I just didn't think I'd see and-and I freaked out," He confessed, realising how weak that excuse was.

Michael didn't say anything for a moment, his face stern and emotionless. Alex felt his heart crumble a little more, what had happened to the bright and joyful kid Alex had left behind? "What are you doing back," Michael coldly asked.

"I'm on leave, for a few weeks," Alex replied.

The emotionless on Michael's face disappeared, it being replaced by a feeling Alex had seen many times in his life; disappointment. "So you're going back," Michael asked.

Alex nodded, unable to say it, "And that's why I left,"

Michael frowned, "What?"

"When I saw you..." Alex took a deep breath, feeling the familiar knot in his stomach, his mouth becoming dry. Alex stepped forward, biting the inside of his cheek, "When I saw you, all these feelings came back and, I knew I wouldn't be able to leave you again and I have to so... " Alex gasped, the emotions getting the better of him for a moment, Alex noticed the rim of his eyes had begun to fill with tears, making the scene blurry. "So I ran," Alex rasped, the words catching in his throat like they were made of thorns.

"Again," Michael said, stepping closer to Alex. "You ran again, like last time." He jabbed, and Alex didn't know what hurt more; the fact Michael said it, or the fact he knows he deserved it. "You left me here!" Michael yelled, letting emotion back into his face.

Alex stepped forward, his arms out in front of him, "You didn't give me a choice Michael!," Alex cried, the tears growing in his eyes, "You...changed, and I didn't know how to deal," Alex admitted, Michael looked away, casting his eyes down to the ground. Alex stepped closer again, the gap between them closing. Alex took in a deep breath, "You're right, I shouldn't have left you here," Michael looked back up at Alex, his face unsure. "I've done a lot of things over the past 15months, but leaving you...that will always be my biggest regret," Alex said, his voice wavering as a tear finally made its way down his face.

It was Michael's turn to take a step forward, "When I saw you in the diner, I was so relieved," He confessed, a small smile on his face, "For the past 15 months I have had that radio on every day just hoping that I didn't hear your name being read out as a casualty of war, that I'd get to see you again" Michael said, his own eyes beginning to well with tears. The smile from his face fell, "Then finally I saw you alive and okay in that diner and you just-left!" Michael yelled, "And what now you're here to say...what?!" Michael asked, the pain clear on his face.

"I'm here to say..." Alex started and then he stopped, he clenched his jaw before blinking a few times to clear his vision. "If I could go back to that day when I left, I'd stop myself and stay with you," Alex revealed, more tears fell from his eyes as he thought about that day. Alex gave a sad shrug, "But I can't go back and I can't change the decisions I've made,"

"No, you can't," Michael quietly said. Alex closed his eyes, looking back up at Michael who had the smallest saddest smile on his face. "I missed you so much and I-I can't watch you leave again Alex," Michael said, the last words getting caught in his throat.

"That's why I ran," Alex explained. "Because I don't know if I can leave you," Alex said.

Michael stepped forward with more determination this time. "Then don't," Michael argued.

This was what Alex was afraid of, Alex frantically shook his head from side to side, "Michael-"

Michael was only a few steps away from Alex, "You never wanted to go to war, you wanted to make music, stay here with me," More tears fell from Michael's face and Alex wanted nothing more than to wipe them away. Alex felt his lower lip trembling,

Alex wanted nothing more than to stay, to live in Roswell with Michael. "My dad...he'd never let me stay," Alex said, "I have to go back, Michael," Alex cried.

Michael looked like he was about to argue again but stopped himself, he shoved his hands into his pocket, nodding his head but not looking at Alex. "Okay," Alex felt what was left of his heart shatter. He heard Michael step forward again, his eyes now back on Alex, "Just because you have to leave..." He started, stopping, seemingly thinking over what he was saying. "Doesn't mean we can't be together,"

Alex felt like someone had taken the pieces of his broken heart and threw them in a blender, turning them to dust. Alex gave a small sob, "It does Michael," Alex clenched his hands, his nails settling into his palms, "I'm going to be gone for 15 months again-"

"So?" Michael said, throwing his arms out to the side, "You were gone for 15 months this time and it didn't change how I feel about you!" Michael closed the gap between them taking Alex's hands, clasping them in front of him. "I never stopped loving you, and I never will," Michael declared.

Alex almost stagged back, feeling like the in his lungs had been turned to ice. Alex managed to take in enough air to speak, "You-you love me?" he quietly asked.

"Yes, and I don't care if we can't be _here_ together, as long as we're together," Michael continued.

Alex just stared at Michael, playing the words over and over in his mind _Michael loved him,_ Alex rubbed Michael's hands in his, looking up at Michael and finally seeing the boy he fell in love with over a year ago. "I don't know when I'll be back-"

Michael smiled, "That's okay, we can write and-and call," Michael reached up and placed his hand on Alex's cheek, causing Alex to lean into it. "We can do this," He quietly said.

Alex smiled back, he stepped forward. Alex slowly reached up and ran his hand through Michael's hair, his hand coming to rest on the back of Michael's neck. "I never stopped loving you either you know?" Alex said, "Those days where everything was just...hopeless and bleak, you got me through it," Alex said. Michael gave a thoughtful smile. Michael let his hand reach around and come to rest on the back of Alex's neck pulling him forward gently. Alex let Michael pull him forward, a smile on his face as the pair finally reached each other, lips crashing together. Alex moved his hand back up to tug Michael's hair as they kissed, the boys swaying on their feet. Michael dropped his hands to Alex's hips, pulling him tighter to his body.

Eventually, Michael pulled back, resting his head against Alex, both boys breathing hard. "You got some free time?" Michael panted.

"What you thinking?" Alex asked, his eyes still closed.

Michael stepped back for a moment, nodding his head towards the trailer, "Well, you haven't seen my new digs," He entwined his fingers with Alex's, a playful smile on his face. "How about I give you the grand tour," Michael teased. Alex gave a small laugh at Michael's attempts to flirt, he always was so smooth. Alex and Michael walked hand and hand into the trailer, the door closing behind them.

Alex rested his head against Michael's bare chest, just listening to his heartbeat, his hand twisted in Michael's hair playing with it. Michael looked down at him, his hands stroking Alex's arms.

Alex looked up at Michael, reaching up to place a tender kiss on Michael's lips, pulling back to see a smile on Michael's face. "Was it worth the wait?" Alex breathed.

Michael moved his hand to caress Alex's cheek, "You'll always be worth the wait," He said. Alex gave Michael another kiss before lying back down in the bed with him. They only had a week before Alex had to leave again, Alex tried not to think about it but the thought was still there and always would be; it was their reality. Whatever their reality was though, it didn't matter, he knew it wouldn't be easy and there would be struggles but Michael was worth it.

"I love you," Alex said against Michael's chest, wanting to say it as many times as he could before he was gone, wanting to make sure Michael knew.

"I love you too," Michael said back, his grip on Alex tightening a little. Whatever time they had left, Alex was going to make the most of it.

"I'm glad I came to explain," Alex said.

Michael gave a small laugh, "So am I," He said. Alex settled down against Michael's chest, closing his eyes. Alex had many regrets in his life, some that would stay with him forever, but coming to see Michael to explain; Alex was sure it was one of the best decisions he'd ever made.


End file.
